I Was Thinking... I Thought I’d Know

There is an adage that says, with age comes wisdom. I’ve achieved the one part but keep waiting for the second part to kick in. At my age, there are so many things that I still don’t know. I made it through high school and college and even taught school for well over 40 years if you include subbing. So, you would think that by now I would have a pretty good handle on most things. But there are still things I haven’t figured out.
I still don’t know which is the right way to put the toilet paper roll on. Don’t get me wrong, there is only ONE way to do it at our house, but I really don’t know why. Even though I’ve lived with my wife for over 50 years and had two daughters, I still don’t know why the buttons on men’s shirts are on the right side and buttons on women’s are on the left. The same is true for how zippers work. Is this some type of master plan to stop men from wearing women’s clothes? There are a couple other clothing mysteries I haven’t solved.
When I slide my belt through the loops of my jeans, am I supposed to slide the belt over or under the Levi label on the back? Have people been looking at me with disgust all these years because I’m doing it wrong? And another thing, who came up with the rule that you can’t wear white after Labor Day? Is there some fashion police that passed down a directive that never got to me? Since I don’t wear a tie very often anymore, at least I don’t have to struggle with the constant problem of how long my tie should be. I know the wider section of the tie should be longer than the thin part, but how far should it hang down? It shouldn’t be so short that it looks like a narrow bib, but it shouldn’t be so long that you resemble a clown. It used to take me at least three tries to get it to a length I thought wouldn’t cause people to laugh. And as long as we are discussing clothes, how is it possible for your belly button to scrape lint off your undershirts? It doesn’t have little teeth, yet you could stuff a pillow with all the lint you take out of it in a lifetime. You think by the time you reach my age, you would have figured these things out.
I never was that great at science, but I know most general knowledge things. However, I still don’t know how Jell-o works. It starts out as a powder, and you just add water and put it in the refrigerator, and it turns into a type of solid. But if you leave it out in the kitchen for hours it doesn’t revert back to a liquid form like most other things would. The only way to get it back to its liquid form is to slosh it around in your mouth.
I taught driver’s education for many years and have driven on the right side of the road all my life. So, when you enter Cosco, why do they have the enter sign on the left side of the doors and the exit on the right side? There is so much I don’t know.
When the doctor asks you for a urine sample, how much is enough? You don’t want to bring in a quart jar, but you probably need more than enough to fill a shot glass. Why don’t they give you a cup or bottle with a line, so you would know? How come I have a bunch of keys hanging up that I don’t have any idea where they fit? Why can’t you tickle yourself? After you die, do you have to keep wearing the clothes you were buried in? And finally, with all the possible wildlife in Minnesota, why did we select a “gopher” as our state mascot?
 
Did You Ever Wonder? — When does it stop being partly sunny and start being partly cloudy?