I Was Thinking... How Old?

Remember when you were a kid, and you couldn’t wait for your birthday? Well, I can wait.

Somewhere along the way, the anticipation of an upcoming birthday has faded.

Recently, while having coffee after church, we were seated at the same table with several other couples. The wife of one of the couples was a former student of mine. She said she also was not eager to have her next birthday because she was turning 60.

Well, I thought, that just can’t be right. I had her in school, she was a teenager, she can’t be 60. But what I really meant was, if she is that old, what does that say about me?

So how does this happen? One day you’re young and active and the next day you walk into the bathroom and look into the mirror and think, “Well, this can’t be right.” Somehow, without you really knowing it, you had suddenly become old.

I find it weird being the same age as old people. I look over the obituaries not only to see if there is anybody I know, but also to see how many people died that are younger than me. While this seemed to have happened almost overnight, there were many signs that should have tipped me off.

My kids however have pointed things out that should have been a clue. “Gee, dad why do you have the TV so loud?” It seemed find to me. “Boy, dad you sure keep your house warm.” “You know dad, you shouldn’t be going up on ladders.”

These are the same kids that I used to worry about falling off their bikes. But if I’m honest, there were other clues I should have noticed.

Somewhere along the way, printed materials started to get smaller. Maybe that is why I have three or four pair of those magnifying glasses. One by the desk, one on the bed stand, one in the car, one next to my recliner in the living room. Yes, I have a recliner, that should have been a clue too. The fact the pharmacist includes the simple covers for my medication tells me he knows I can’t open those child proof covers.

I guess I should have seen this coming. The way I’ve begun looking at things have changed. Now when I think of “friends with benefits” it means somebody that doesn’t mind driving at night. I still think I can be the life of the party as long as it doesn’t go past 9 p.m.

I still like going out but like coming home even more. My wife says I repeat myself and that I’m absent minded. She says I also use more four-letter words like, “what and when.” I have to admit that I definitely dress more for comfort than style. At my age, “getting lucky” means walking into a room and remembering why I came in.

Getting older also makes you face some realizations.

It is a whole lot easier to get older than to get wiser. You learn that you sleep better in the recliner with the TV on than when you go to bed. You realize there are fewer things worth standing in line for. You are finally at the age when you know all the answers but nobody asks you the questions.

You start to repeat yourself. You finally get your head together, but your body starts falling apart. You come to the realization that you’re never going to be good at golf, playing the guitar, or basketball.

The biggest lie I tell myself is, “I don’t need to write it down, I’ll remember it.” You’ve come to the conclusion that naps aren’t just for children. I realize that the best thing about the good old days was that I wasn’t good, and I wasn’t old.

Somehow, I thought getting old would take longer. Wouldn’t it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes and come out wrinkle-free and two sizes smaller?

But being old does have some advantages. It is good advice not to mess with old people, “life in prison” isn’t much a deterrent for them anymore. People expect that you’ll repeat yourself. You get discounts. If you forget somebody’s name, it’s okay because they probably forgot they knew you anyway. But the best thing is old movies, old songs, and old friends.

Did You Ever Wonder? — If someone is “deceased” does that mean they came back from the dead?

Photo: I was thinking Ron Albright